The way the gentle sunlight filters in through the cracks of the curtains on early winter mornings is something that never fails to warm my heart. In that instant, it feels as though there really is a reason for this life I live – and that there is a reason to love it, too.
Though, there’s a certain sadness in waking up while it’s still dark, surrounded by a chilling essence that makes the hair on your arms stand. So these odd days off were able to offer a calming sort of solace to me. Even getting the chance to sleep in so late as 8a.m. has managed to make all the difference, rather than the regular 6a.m. coffee runs before heading to work.
So much beauty and I fail to see it in all the things I should. The sun rises an hour later than I’d like and suddenly my whole week is ruined. Maybe I should learn to appreciate the darkness too, and all the things we cannot see.
This week’s song: kataware doki – radwimps https://open.spotify.com/track/08NKLJpiQO9kGuq9oBCzDE?si=3vuJyJWRTCmkRw8mnEGqPQ
It seems no matter how much I want this change, it can’t be brought about.
I often expect things to change in the blink of an eye, while at the same time realizing everything takes time. There won’t be some far out spiritual awakening as I often used to imagine. Baby steps are crucial, I’ve realized. I can get rid of everything that reminds me of the past, but if I do it too soon or at the wrong time, I worry it won’t change a thing. But is waiting still suitable? Or do I need to be the one to spark the fire? I don’t want to burn away the past, but I hope the time comes soon when I’ll be able to learn from it. Instead of dreading every act, regretting every word spoken that I once did – I must recognize my place and try my hardest not to let history repeat itself. The question is how? And when?
I wake up at 7:30, the sunrise comes up just perfectly, a hint of forgotten light shining right through the crack in the curtains and onto me lying in the bed. I open the window and smell the fresh air, a hint of Spring in it. Winter always seems to last too long.
I take a shower, get dressed, and make a cup of tea. I turn on the barely used TV and watch the last 40 minutes of Lost In Translation. Then at 10 I sit and do my nails and think about what I’ll do today.
Now, watching the early sunset; it makes me wonder why all beautiful things get taken away so soon. But I realize they wouldn’t be so beautiful if they were always there. And with going to sleep in an empty bed with cold sheets, I realize being a woman means being lonely, and having a never-ending burden. But it has endless wonders.
I think I’ll take a trip soon, I’m always happiest when I travel.
This is the post excerpt.
When I made my original WordPress site (malfunctioningg.wordpress.com) I hadn’t yet come up with the idea for the name missyoualways89 and so things are a bit backwards now. It seems it would have made much more sense to have that site as my rant/review blog, but in seeing how I muddled things up, it can’t be so.
I’ll continue to post my stories and fanfics on malfunctioningg (even though under the name missyoualways) and will use this account as a place to write reviews and blog posts and such.
Thanks for reading this, if you actually did. I’ll try to post every Friday.