It seems no matter how much I want this change, it can’t be brought about.
I often expect things to change in the blink of an eye, while at the same time realizing everything takes time. There won’t be some far out spiritual awakening as I often used to imagine. Baby steps are crucial, I’ve realized. I can get rid of everything that reminds me of the past, but if I do it too soon or at the wrong time, I worry it won’t change a thing. But is waiting still suitable? Or do I need to be the one to spark the fire? I don’t want to burn away the past, but I hope the time comes soon when I’ll be able to learn from it. Instead of dreading every act, regretting every word spoken that I once did – I must recognize my place and try my hardest not to let history repeat itself. The question is how? And when?
I wake up at 7:30, the sunrise comes up just perfectly, a hint of forgotten light shining right through the crack in the curtains and onto me lying in the bed. I open the window and smell the fresh air, a hint of Spring in it. Winter always seems to last too long.
I take a shower, get dressed, and make a cup of tea. I turn on the barely used TV and watch the last 40 minutes of Lost In Translation. Then at 10 I sit and do my nails and think about what I’ll do today.
Now, watching the early sunset; it makes me wonder why all beautiful things get taken away so soon. But I realize they wouldn’t be so beautiful if they were always there. And with going to sleep in an empty bed with cold sheets, I realize being a woman means being lonely, and having a never-ending burden. But it has endless wonders.
I think I’ll take a trip soon, I’m always happiest when I travel.
This is the post excerpt.
When I made my original WordPress site (malfunctioningg.wordpress.com) I hadn’t yet come up with the idea for the name missyoualways89 and so things are a bit backwards now. It seems it would have made much more sense to have that site as my rant/review blog, but in seeing how I muddled things up, it can’t be so.
I’ll continue to post my stories and fanfics on malfunctioningg (even though under the name missyoualways) and will use this account as a place to write reviews and blog posts and such.
Thanks for reading this, if you actually did. I’ll try to post every Friday.